Elodie 5 – 5.5 years old: lots of energy, big variety of foods, terminal grandmother

The first Monday in the New Year my mother started chemo therapy for stage 4 pancreatic cancer which was diagnosed end of September. The day before we were trying our best to have a happy New Year’s Eve, knowing it might be our last one.

My mother’s first chemo was during the Christmas holiday, so Elodie went with us to the hospital as well.

I took some snacks with me, and she was happy while drawing and playing on the iPad. The nurses were impressed that she was so well-behaved all the 6 hours we stayed with my mum.

Taking care of my sick mother

My mother was afraid that Elodie would get sick because of the germs in a hospital. But to me it was more important that my mother was surrounded by the people she loved.

Elodie would eat eggs from the canteen, and she was in a milk drinking phase. It showed that we could take her out, and she would still eat from whatever was available. It was such a tough time. Caring for a (terminally) sick mother is emotionally and psychically draining, next to that you have your own family that you need to take care of.

We had to make sure that all my mother’s affairs were handled. You don’t want to think about a parent’s mortality. How do you live without your own mother? So many milestones you would like to share with the woman who birthed you. The only person who is always there for me, after many fights and arguments. I also had to prepare Elodie for my mother’s passing and manage her emotions.

We lost a friend last year, and now my mother was terminally ill. We had many hospital visits, and Elodie was doing judo, Chinese class after school and swimming in the weekend.

Lots of activities

As I am writing this I am impressed by how active she actually is and that I don’t have to worry about her losing too much weight like we did in the past. Previously she would not be able to do all those physical activities without losing weight or getting sick. I was juggling with having her being a normal kid with her play dates, and activities, and taking care of my mum.

Chicken soup with rice

The first few weeks I did cook, but later on we mostly went to my parents house in the evening. I didn’t have the time to work, cook, take care of Elodie and my mother. We would have dinner with my parents, and they could have quality time with Elodie. My mother was too tired to do anything the majority of the time between her chemo’s. Only the last weekend before her bi-weekly chemo she would feel slightly better.

So seeing us and playing with Elodie brightened up her day. I wanted to spend as much time as possible with my mother, because we knew that with pancreatic cancer everything can go downhill very fast. It was difficult to see my mother becoming weaker and more depressed from having cancer. I cannot fathom how it feels to know that you will die soon.

My dad is an amazing cook, my parents used to have a restaurant, and Elodie continued eating through this difficult time. She would often eat a very big bowl of white rice with chicken soup when we were there. Later I would add little bits of chicken and cut it tiny so she got some protein as well. It was so small that it looked like rice, so I fooled her a bit. She could eat it every day and would not get tired if it. She can eat what she likes for months.

Because my dad and aunt (who was with us weekly) are good cooks, Elodie got to try a variety of Chinese meals and snacks. For me it was nice to not have to think about cooking and that we could eat at my parents place. It was nice to have dinner all together, even through such difficult times.

No iPad during meals

Elodie didn’t always watch a series when eating, she would forget about the iPad. But honestly, many adults look at their phones while eating, so why are children not allowed? It makes no sense to me. They see us doing it. It’s not good for their eyes, I know. Even my parents look at their phones when eating, and they are an older generation haha.

Eating too much

My parents really enjoyed seeing Elodie eat so well. Sometimes she would eat two big bowls of chicken soup with rice and fried chicken wings. My mother would be so proud of what Elodie had achieved but also be worried that she ate too much.

Once she was eating so much that even I got worried. She told me that she was not allowed to watch the iPad if she doesn’t eat. It was something I had said a very long time ago when she was going through a dip. So I told her that she should eat until she is full, and that she doesn’t need to stuff herself full of food. That the body needs food as a fuel and not to over eat.

Initially I was afraid that Elodie’s eating would suffer from the difficult situation we were navigating. I couldn’t focus on Elodie’s eating anymore and had to let that go. Amazingly she was eating amazingly well. This helped my to further give Elodie autonomy about her eating, and not to focus on it myself.

All the food she loves

Elodie loves to eat pasta as well, different forms and flavors like: carbonara, mushroom sauce, four cheeses sauce, tomato mascarpone sauce.

Instant noodles are also favorites. I try to make it healthier by using self-made chicken soup instead of the included packages for flavor.

She also eats pizza. Especially with salami and pepperoni.

She likes to eat sashimi and sushi with soy sauce. Currently she likes to eat the rice with the seaweed. She wants me to take out whatever is inside it.

The first ‘real’ food she started to eat three years ago was McDonald’s fries. Now, she eats chicken nuggets, strawberry milkshake, Kristi, cheeseburger, hamburger and loves chicken tenders. She recently even tried the fish burger.

She eats ‘bittergarnituur’ as well. Typically, Dutch fried snacks like bitterballen, frikadellen, kaassoufle, and seasick for instance. In English: fried meat/ cheese based snacks, spicy meat stick.

The nice thing about Dim sum is the big variety of foods that is served. She eats cake, hoo fan, noodles, fried rice, and she tries other foods.

The list of foods that she eats is so much bigger than before. There are also foods that she eats today and will not eat again the day after. But that’s the same for other kids as well.

Wedding in Spain

In May we went to Spain for my brother in law’s wedding. Normally we would at least stay a week or longer, but in this situation we were already happy that we could go as a family. So many scenarios were running through my mind beforehand.

The short travel was quite hectic and it hampered our sleep, we were only there for 3 days or so. Elodie was very fit the entire year, and tada on the day of the wedding she was sick. She was feeling miserable, I had her in my arms the entire evening. She slept a lot, and would observe when she was awake. She enjoyed the dance at night, and really wanted to stay for a bit. In the past this would give me major anxiety and I would have her sleep a lot. But knowing she was doing so well, I didn’t want her to miss out on such a big event.

Not only Elodie is making progress, but so am I as a parent. 🙂

Misty

We got a new family member. The little pomeranian was staying at our house for a few weeks, she was my friend’s dog. Misty needed a forever home and we decided to keep her, she fits in the family perfectly. She is a bit lazy, a diva, and likes many cuddles. My mother decided to buy Misty for us so we have something to remember my mother for a long time. Having a sweet pet is so wholesome, petting her helps to reduce stress levels. <3

School

I think other kids are telling Elodie that sweets are not healthy. Sometimes she asks me about it, and I tell her that in our house it’s okay to eat candy and other snacks. When compared to when she just started eating she is now mainly eating meals and not sweets and candy.

I believe her relationship with candy and chips is better than that of many other kids. I see other kids who are so deprived of snacks that when they do have accessed they can’t stop themselves. I think that also leads to obesity and other unhealthy relationships with snacks at a later age because they see that as a comfort food.

Elodie doesn’t like to eat bread and sandwiches. We are allowed to give her more ‘unhealthy’ foods in her lunch box. In the morning she eats a sliced apple, or strawberries. For lunch, I give her a little bit of candy, fried seaweed and a bit of cake, cookies, or other little snacks. Sometimes a little bit of cheese, salami or chicken filet depending on her mood. In the morning we give her one bottle of medical nutrition. Because she doesn’t eat enough during her school day.

Healthy bmi

Weight wise she can live without. She is 116 cm and 20 kg so in a super healthy weight range for her height. But she doesn’t eat in the morning and I don’t want to wake her up early hoping that she will eat (fast) enough. I rather have her sleep enough, so she can last a day at school and be fit.